**WARNING: Some content in this article should be reserved for adults only due to sexual content**

For those who are just starting a new relationship, the physical attraction can sometimes be a difficult hurdle to overcome.

You may be thinking…”WHAT?? You find THAT to be a problem??? The physical side of a relationship CANNOT be a bad thing!!”

That’s the thing…I did not say it was. It’s just that when the relationship you are in is first focused on the physical and having sex constantly, it can be more difficult to have a healthy emotional relationship. I liken this issue to picturing what it will be like to be married to this type of guy as you both get older when sex is not necessarily a high priority (or not even physically possible for one/both partners)…..What will the two of you have in common in your life at that point? How will you spend your quality time together if sex isn’t able to be on the table?

This is where having the healthy emotional connection helps you both. If you take the time to really discover why you like your partner to begin with, sex is just the icing on the cake later in the relationship. In this way, you both then have something really special to connect with & bond over. Once you get to emotionally understand that person (and are therefore more connected emotionally), you both will feel more secure in the relationship because a level of trust and respect now exists, which will serve you both well once life challenges start happening.

DIFFERENT SPEEDS

When one person in the relationship is wanting to step up the physical side of things before the other person is ready….I’m not going to say it’s a red flag, but you need to be cautious because what you do next could (potentially) end the relationship.

YOU NEED TO PROTECT YOU. If YOU are not feeling ready in the physical realm, then you are simply not ready. And if you are not ready, you need to communicate that to your partner.

IT CAN GO TWO WAYS…

There are two possible outcomes when asking your partner to slow down the physical advances…

1. YOUR PARTNER WILL TAKE IT AS REJECTION ON YOUR PART

The scariest part about this type of situation is discussing an issue like this with your partner. BUT if their perceived notion is that romance ONLY happens in the bedroom, this is not a healthy relationship. A good partner is willing to move at your speed because he/she cares about you, does NOT want to hurt you and wants to take the journey WITH you (not ahead of you). If they don’t respect your boundaries, then they don’t respect YOU either and probably only see you as an object to be played with. In addition, if you DO NOT set boundaries, some men may get turned off thinking you are “too loose”.

Romance is a funny thing…especially the way Hollywood portrays it, with their constant message that “if you don’t sleep with him, then he won’t like you.” This constant message teaches women in particular that unless you give up the milk, the bull will find better pastures somewhere else.

But I can tell you that the RIGHT guy will respect you for setting your boundaries early in the relationship and will then see that you want to get to know HIM and not just his body.

The other possible outcome of this conversation is…

2. YOUR PARTNER WILL SLOW DOWN AND RESPECT YOU

This discussion with your partner is probably the best litmus test for your relationship…if he makes it clear he’s only talking/flirting with you just to get the sex, then all that tells you is that he is not interested in YOU…just YOUR BODY (and who wants that in the long run, really??).

But if you are in a relationship with a great guy who wants to step up the physical side of the relationship before you are ready and you sit him down and tell him you want to learn more about HIM first….

….if he is a good man, he will see the innate value of what you are saying and even grow to like you more because of that. Further, if he is willing to pull back on the reins and go at your pace…these are good signs! If your man is clearly not willing to see your perspective and meet you there, then you just figured out one more thing about his core character, which will dictate how he reacts in other difficult life moments. If he reacts negatively to you (figuratively) saying, “Down boy!” then he could react negatively when he does not get his way in other circumstances. But if he reacts positively, slowing down to consider all sides of the situation and thoughtfully consider your feelings, this is a GREAT sign for you ladies! If a man is considerate and thoughtful, this is the kind of guy you want to get to know.

**I know you ladies are probably thinking, “But Jordan, I KNOOOOOWW that I don’t want to be with a guy who is selfish, sex-crazed or inconsiderate!!” and yet date any guy who asks them out. The real issue here is being afraid of being alone. The reason I’m reiterating this is because we all need to be reminded that we can strive to have better men in our life. DO NOT SETTLE!! Too many women I have met end up settling for a guy with the first glance or are just happy to be “chosen”. To be sure, many women settle for men who do not consider other people’s emotions and then end up in an unhappy relationship and/or marriage with a selfish person. YOU. DESERVE. BETTER! Keep looking and you will find the man you are looking for 🙂

And even if you do not find a man worth having, then you can live with the satisfaction of knowing you NEVER settled for anything less than WHAT YOU DESERVE….

…Because YOU ARE WORTH IT 🙂

~ Jordan

EXTERNAL LINKS

P.S. If you are having trouble figuring out what to say to your partner about how to slow down the physical side of a relationship, the below article (from a man’s perspective) was of great help to me personally and I hope you can glean something from it too 🙂

Here’s How To Slow Down Your New Relationship So It Lasts

When it comes to a healthy relationship, remember, slow and steady wins the race.