I cannot believe the sheer amount of peer pressure which exists for girls/women to have a boyfriend or husband. I myself have struggled with this issue (which I also discussed in my last article, “Freedom as a Woman“), which is not an easy thing to deal with (especially) after age 25.
I have heard so many young women describe how they have rearranged their life, education, dreams, and even religious beliefs to make sure they don’t lose their boyfriend. While I understand the importance of making him happy, you also need to make sure you don’t lose yourself in the relationship.
“Well, Jordan, I AM in the relationship! He’s a great guy and I like being with him.” …you might tell me. But tell me something….when was the last time he rearranged something in HIS LIFE for YOU?
Women and girls are typically much better at adapting and changing more easily than men are. While it is a known fact that many women reinvent themselves later in life and are more willing to try new things, men (usually) seem to have a harder time with this life skill. Once guys set their mind on a career, religious affiliation and/or a particular lifestyle, they will (more than likely) stay that way for the rest of their lives.
Women, on the other hand, always have to adapt and change. I believe Yahweh God designed us this way, so we are better able to raise children, be exceptional multi-taskers and helpers (as described in Genesis chapter 2), and always making sure we are prepared for the next stage in life.
The downside with this skill for women is that we sometimes can change ourselves for the wrong reasons. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
“But Jordan….what if he leaves because I don’t act right, dress right, or believe in the same type of religion he does?” …you might ask. Well, this quote might help you…
Let me ask you a few questions: Do you feel you are the ABSOLUTE BEST VERSION of yourself when you are with this particular guy? Or do you feel like you have to be very careful not to upset him, tiptoe around him, or make very specific decisions about how you behave in the relationship?
Or does he make you feel like a princess? A queen?
Does he encourage you? Does he give you sweet gifts that remind you of his love for you? (…and not just because he just got in trouble and is trying to make up?)
Does he help you? I’m not talking about how he picks up his own socks or takes out the garbage, but rather…does he help your soul? Does he inspire you to pursue your dreams, no matter how big or small?
If you have a guy in your life that does not support you and makes you feel like YOU are the only one that has to change in the relationship, then I’m sad to say this is not a good sign. A healthy relationship has both participants willing to change and adapt, but not so much that they lose their sense of self, their values, attitude, beliefs, character, code, conduct, conscience, ethics, ideals, integrity, morals, mores, scruples and/or standards.
WILL I BE ALONE FOREVER?
I cannot guarantee that you will find the man of your dreams. But I can tell you that YOU are the only person you have to live with for the rest of your life…no one else is with you for the ENTIRETY of the ride that is YOUR life. People (especially nowadays) can be hard, if not impossible, to rely on. Now I’m not saying you should have the kind of attitude that says, “PEOPLE ARE AWFUL! IT’S MUCH BETTER TO BE ALONE FOREVER THAN TO TRUST ANYBODY AND GET HURT OVER AND OVER!”. I can tell you that if you look, there are decent people who still exist, and you may even find a man who makes you feel like the queen I KNOW YOU ARE!
YOU CAN PURSUE YOUR DREAMS
NO MATTER WHAT!
You are the only person you have to live with for the rest of your life. Why not start by living that life the way you want? Whatever your dream is, PURSUE IT! You are stronger than you think, and I believe you can accomplish that dream. And if your knight in shining armor comes into your life, you just got the icing on the cake…but always remember to never lose yourself 🙂
Jordan
